OVERCOMING GUILT AND SHAME
Six months ago, I made a significant life change by quitting my job. The departure was not amicable, as my behavior at the time was, to put it mildly, less than ideal. I left my colleagues behind, fleeing from the situation in what I can only describe as an act of cowardice. Since then, I've been living under the heavy clouds of guilt and shame, trying to navigate through the stormy waters of my own making.
In my quest for redemption, I've been diligently working on my “Catalyst Journal”, a method of internal reconciliation used in 4D University. This has involved a deep and often painful exploration of my past actions, cycling through every memory of guilt that has haunted me. It's been a challenging journey, but one that I knew was necessary for my growth.
In my catalyst journal, I wrote down all the things I was guilty of, everything from the smallest acts of pride to the darkest, most despicable sins. I reflected deeply on how each one made me feel and attributed them to the distortions in my lower three energy centers. Whenever I got triggered by something, I looked over my guilt journal and saw that the negative emotion I felt towards someone or something else was something I was guilty of myself.
This connected to Ho’oponopono, where we practice a simple mantra of “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” When we say this towards someone or something that triggered us, we can truly thank them for showing us the guilty self that we have disowned within ourselves. This allows us to see the other as ourselves and enables us to love them and ourselves.
Then, something unexpected happened. I received a message from my former colleagues, a simple check-in that caught me off guard. My initial reaction was to retreat further into my shell, using my mental health struggles as a shield to avoid facing the consequences of my actions. But then, a moment of clarity struck me. I thought to myself, "That doesn't sound like me..." And in that instant, I caught a glimpse of my true self, the person I've been striving to reconnect with.
This realization was a turning point. I now understand that the guilt and shame I've been carrying do not define me. I was ready to face my ex-colleagues, not with fear, but with gratitude and humility. I decided to apologize for my past behavior and thank them for their patience and understanding.
The journey of self-improvement is never easy, but it is always worth it. I no longer feel the weight of guilt and shame that once held me back. Instead, I feel a sense of liberation and a renewed sense of purpose. I'm even considering inviting my ex-colleagues to lunch as a gesture of goodwill and a step towards mending bridges.
This breakthrough has taught me the power of self-reflection and the importance of confronting our past. It's a reminder that we are not defined by our mistakes, but by our ability to grow and learn from them. I'm grateful for this experience, and I'm excited to continue on this path of self-discovery and healing.
